Waking up my dreams
by Rainbow Daydreamer
Summary: At a point of no return, as the sun goes down, Matt reflects on a forbidden love. Not my usual style, sort of an experiment. You might well be surprised. Read and review? Pleeeease?


Waking up my dreams  
  
By RD  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.  
  
I don't normally do this couple or anything like it. This was just an idea that came into my head one day and I found myself intrigued by it. Regular reviewers of mine might be surprised.  
This is a one-shot. What follows is a stream of thought. Try to keep up as best you can. Oh, and it's Matt's POV. I've fiddled with the plot of the TV series in a few places where the story demands it, but not enough to justify calling it AU.  
  
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No turning back.  
  
I'm here and the sun is going down, lighting the landscape red. Shadows are dancing behind me. I just sit here watching the light fall. And wonder how it ever came to this.  
  
I only hope you understand why I'm here, at this time, in this place. It's hard to tell you this, but really there's no hiding it. It's all because of you. Because of evenings at rock gigs, because of nights climbing into the Kamiya house, because of days in the sun. Because of you.  
  
I remember when we met for the very first time, you and me. It was summer and we were both younger, ready for adventure and with the world at our feet. You'd had a lot on your mind back then and, I guess, so had I. Of course you stayed close to Kari, keeping an eye on her. I understood that, what with the way I looked after TK. He was a nice kid. Still is. With him and Kari so close, our families were linked right from the start.  
  
The whole sky is crimson red now. I feel tired. I want to close my eyes and sleep the night away.  
  
You didn't work with me so much, back in the Digiworld. Perhaps we were just too different. There was one time you just attacked me. Remember? But it all worked out right and we saved the world. You and me and all of them. That's when I started looking up to you, I think. You'd been through a lot for your age and yet you were still crazily brave, fiery, loyal to everyone.  
  
I've had a talk with Gennai. Just to clear my head and get everything out in the open in front of someone neutral. I told myself even before I went in that he wouldn't be able to help me. And now I'm here.  
  
Time passed. Four years. And you grew, and so did I. There were new threats to fight, new monsters to overcome. You'd go off without me sometimes, independent and strong, still watching over Kari but grown away into a life of your own. I think it was that year I realised you were more than just my friend.  
  
I can picture you looking at me now. You always had the most amazing eyes.  
  
TK started dating Kari that year. You'd come over to my house sometimes to give the kids some space. We'd laugh and do crazy stuff, not that it ever came to anything.  
I'd see you coming back from the Digiworld, on top of the world or in the depths of despair, unhappy at the latest loss, frustrated with the lack of progress, or just sometimes glittering with the sparkle of success. Those were the best times. You'd run towards me, laughing sometimes, grinning like you'd just won millions. I looked away sometimes just to stop my smile taking over my face.  
We started looking out for each other then. Protecting each other. We didn't even realise we were doing it, and I'm not sure the others did either. I knew you could do anything. And I admired the way you watched over Kari. Like some sort of guardian. Guardian angel, I'd say, and you'd laugh and tell me to stop my joking around.  
  
Life is strange. Love is strange. And this is strangest of all. But I'm here, and this is now. Someone told me this would work. It better do. Ask me a year ago and I'd have thought it was a twisted idea, to do this when you had my life, my happiness. But it isn't happiness any more.  
  
One night I found you outside after a rock gig. You were hanging about, waiting for me, and I wondered why. It was long past midnight. So we kind of walked each other home, silently. It was raining that night, I remember the droplets on my hair.  
We got to your house. The lights were off. You said Kari's window would be open. I helped you get in there quietly, so quietly. She didn't hear a sound.  
  
I don't know how the others are gonna react to this. Maybe Kari can explain to TK, help him to understand. I told her about us last night, you know. She looked shocked for a moment, then she smiled. I think Kari understands. Would the others? Hard to know. I keep wanting to tell them, then stopping because I feel like it's somehow wrong to do this. To love you.  
Gabumon might know what I mean. It's TK I worry for. I hope so much he isn't too upset. You understand. Really this is the only thing to do.  
  
That day I met you in the park, I found you lying in the sun. Your eyes were closed, you looked asleep. I said your name and you looked up with a start, smiling as you saw it was me. The other kids had gone off to play with their Digimon. I thought you'd be there too, till I found you there.  
That was the day I said the words. I don't know what I expected, then. Horror, or surprise. Maybe a burst of laughter at your stupid best friend who was always having a joke. But instead you just turned to face me, your bright eyes shining in the sunlight. Then you told me what I'd dreamt of hearing. "I think I love you too, Matt."  
  
I've taken my crest and Digivice off now. They're there with my jacket and my old harmonica, down by my feet. I didn't bring my guitar. Somehow it didn't feel right, rock star though I am. Rock star though I was. That's gone now. I'm going to miss the things I used to do.  
  
It was another dark night when you watched me climb in at Kari's window. She was asleep, silently breathing in the blackness, unaware of anything that was happening. I looked at her for a moment and then I followed you, came to sit on your bed.  
That night we just sat and talked in whispers. Like a stuck record, we told each other the same precious story. It's going to be all right. Over and over. Something will turn up, we'll get away, we can find a place where we don't have to be secrets of the shadows, where it isn't wrong. We can find a place to be lovers in the sunshine, always, always. It's going to be all right.  
  
And now I'm here. Knowing this is the only way that things can be all right. I'm lying on the sand now, watching the last hints of light fade from the sky. Above me the stars are coming out.  
I visualise us together. I'm trying to see you, but all I see is me. All the things I used to do. Rock music. Lemonade in cafés. Skating. High school dances. Studying for exams. The way I charmed the fans, my deep blue eyes and the voice of a star. Am I really going to give all that up?  
  
I already have.  
  
I tried to call you before I came here. If not you, I hoped Kari would answer. She's often around the house. But it wasn't to be. "Hello there. Kamiya residence. Can I help you?"  
"Hi, Mrs Kamiya. It's Matt." For a minute I toyed with ideas, then I gave up. "I was just calling to ask, to ask Kari if she'd still got TK's cycling helmet. He's lost it again."  
She said no, and I hung up. Maybe Kari got some sort of a message, then again maybe not.  
  
I can feel the change. It's sending shivers down my spine as I struggle to cope. It's like I'm a faulty hologram, fading out with a hiss only to return, weirdly warped and out of shape. I know I'm me, but I know I'm hardly recognisable now. Did I really want this? I can hear footsteps. I freeze, wondering who it can be. Not TK. Please not TK. I lie waiting. But it isn't TK, not at all.  
  
"Matt..." You stare in horror. "What happened?"  
"What are you doing here?" I manage. "You aren't meant to- to see me like this..." My vision swims. You look concerned. So beautiful.  
"You weren't home. I couldn't find you. I've been looking..." It's dark. You brush against me, trying to find the answers, taking in every little detail of me, until I feel a tear fall onto my cheek. I don't know if I've ever seen you cry.  
  
"Did you do this..." You break down. "Did you do this because of me, Matt?" Slowly I nod. You reach out to me.  
"I guess you're mad at me, huh." It's weird to hear how the words sound as they escape my mouth and drift into the wind. My voice, so different now.  
"Yes." There's silence. "And... no."  
I look up at you in puzzlement. You hold my hand suddenly tight. "Matt, you're beautiful."  
  
You carry my crest back to me and loop it gently around my neck. I lift my Digivice. The harmonica you take in your mouth as you help me to get up onto all fours. My strength is returning now everything is complete, over, accomplished. I try to walk and stumble, unsure on my feet.  
"You're so sweet, Matt," you smile through your tears.  
I follow you, leaving our footprints in the sand. We won't go home, not yet. You say Kari's coming to find us in the morning if we aren't back. That's all right. I'm with you. Never again to leave.  
  
I'm so glad I did what I did, that I let myself leave my life far behind. I'm so glad I wasn't too afraid to act on my feelings. Gennai was right. This has made things so much easier. Looking at you now, your huge bluish eyes still shimmering with tears, your faint shadow as elegant as you yourself, I don't think I could have gone on in a place where it was wrong to love you.  
  
I think you feel the same. You turn to me suddenly, and I wait. I hear you take a deep breath.  
  
"Matt... There's no-one like you, is there? Don't ask me how, but you've turned from the most brilliant person I ever met into the most wonderful Digimon I've ever seen. " Your smile lights up the world. "I love you, Matt."  
"I love you too, Gatomon."  
  
And we run on suddenly light feet into the morning, under a starlit sky. Our dreams wake into life again, in a place where it'll be all right.  
  
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[giggles] Surprised, eh? I tried to do a pretty good impression of the depressed-Taito genre. If you're ultra-sharp or you know me, it might not have fooled you. Unless I'm drastically overestimating my skills and it didn't fool anyone? 


End file.
